How I got past the small talk and made friends at uni

It’s been over a year since I moved to Liverpool and started university. One of the things I was most nervous about was getting to know and make friends with my course mates.

I’ve never been that good at starting conversations with people, and the fact that I moved to a completely different country where I didn’t know anyone really didn’t help my nerves. I was worried about feeling lonely and homesick, so I decided to throw myself into things to try to avoid this.

If you haven’t quite built strong friendships yet, that’s okay. There’s plenty of time to make new friends or strengthen bonds, and it certainly doesn’t only happen in freshers’ week. To help you along your way, below are some top tips on how to become friends with other students and build solid relationships.

1. Join (or create) a group chat

There are usually a bunch of Facebook groups for freshers at your university, and it’s a great place to find or socialise with course mates and potential friends. Join a group chat for your specific course, or start one if there isn’t one yet.

If you’re not very confident, this can be a really big help, as it gives you the opportunity to get to know people without the awkwardness you might feel in person. This group chat tends to turn into the place where you can complain or discuss uni questions that you might not want to talk to your tutors about.

It's also a great place to make plans with people. Tell them about a cool event you saw going on, or about a restaurant you walked past, and ask if someone wants to go with you. There are probably a lot of people in the same position as you, so if you take the initiative and ask, I guarantee someone is going to take you up on it.

2. Open up to them

Feeling homesick? Struggling with a breakup? Not enjoying your course? There are plenty of things that may be weighing on your mind in the first couple of months at uni, but don’t keep them inside.

If you feel comfortable, open up about what’s bothering you and confide in your new flatmates or friends. Placing trust in them will bring you closer together and, chances are, they’ll experience similar feelings at some point in their uni journey. We’ve also found that opening up to someone helps us offload our problems, making us feel like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

3. Connect on social media

Looking up and following the people on your course is a great place to get conversation starters from. Their Instagram pictures can give you conversation ideas. For example, if they’ve uploaded a picture from their summer holiday, ask them what they did during the summer.

Getting away from the standard questions about their name, where they’re from and what A-levels they took will help you get a conversation going.

4. Take up a new hobby together

As the buzz from freshers’ settles down, it’s important to remember that there’s still time to meet new people, sign up to things and strengthen friendships. A great way to do this is to join a club or society with a friend or flatmate. In fact, you can join a new club at any point throughout the year.

Find out if you have anything in common with your new flat or course mates and then bond over your mutual interest by joining a club and going along to sessions every week. Even if you don’t have existing interests, there’s nothing stopping you from picking out something new to try together.

This way, you get to do something fun while learning more about each other. Plus, I’ve always found it easier to make friends when you’ve got someone else to bounce off from the start.

5. Go to events

Universities usually have a lot of different events going on throughout the year. If you find something that sounds like fun, invite someone from your course to come with you. It might help to get out of the ‘small talk bubble’ if you get away from the lecture hall and do something outside of the classroom.

One of my best memories from freshers’ week was when I actually got out of my comfort zone and went to get drinks with some people from my course. Even though I don’t drink, just going with them and getting away from the university environment helped ease the expectations of having to get to know someone.

6. Shop and cook together

Shopping and cooking for one can sometimes make you feel isolated. Team up with one of your new friends, however, and you’ll be able to share the costs of food and also the hassle of cooking. Plus, you might even learn a thing or two from each other.

Food has brought people together from the dawn of time, when we’d sit around a fire eating what had been foraged and hunted. These days families sit at a table to eat and catch up. Replicate this with a flatmate or two and you’ll be able to bond while doing something.

Better yet, it gives you the opportunity to find out if you have a similar taste in food. There’s no shame in growing closer over a shared love of fajitas (or any other food!). In fact, sharing food and recipes is a really great way to build relationships, and it may even be the start of three years of living with the same people.

7. Societies

Universities tend to have a wide range of societies focusing on different interests, so see if there are any you like the look of and join them.

While you might not become best friends with someone straight away, just being in the company of others who share your interests will help stop you from feeling lonely. And better still, you’ll be doing something that you enjoy.

8. Explore your new home together

As you have probably noticed, there’s a bit of a theme developing here. Rather than just sitting in your flat trying to force conversation, we reckon getting out and active is the best way to grow as friends.

And what better way than exploring the place you now call home. Rope in your flat or course mates, step outside and take in the sights and sounds of your new city. Seek out the best brunch spots, quirky bars and free things to do while making plans for the upcoming weeks.

Despite all this, remember that becoming close friends with people can take time. Don’t worry if it’s not happened right away. Keep calm, take opportunities whenever they come along and try to enjoy the journey.

As you may have noticed, the biggest thing about getting away from the small talk and really getting to know your course mates is to try to get away from class and try your best to relax.

University is a place where everyone is in the same position and everyone wants to fit in and make friends. It’s the perfect place to meet some amazing and interesting people, but just remember that it doesn’t always happen overnight.

We all make friends at different speeds. Some people become best friends from the start, while others may have to get through a couple of months of small talk before they truly feel comfortable with someone.